she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
