Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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