Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
