Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Boobs speak an international language.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
