this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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