He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
