Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
