how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
