I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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