if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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