It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
