This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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