If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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