after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
