my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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