i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
