I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
