i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
