tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
