do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
