i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
