The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
