So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
