well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
