addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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