You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
