I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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