Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
