honey bunches of taint.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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