dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
