I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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