I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
