Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
