Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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