i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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