I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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