just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We left the knife in your bed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
