I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
