we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She bit a glass in half.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
