the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
