don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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