It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
