dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
