i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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