im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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