Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
