he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
