in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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