well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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