Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
