Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
