You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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