i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
