Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
