So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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