pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
