You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
