Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
