It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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