FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
