Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
