I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
