there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
