Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
