Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
