just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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