drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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