mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry about my life...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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